


The Sky is Full of Beautiful Blue

by errizabesu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Maki and Mattsun make cameo, Romance, because that's what a healthy relationship is all about, errhh I'm bad at tagging, i guess, mentions of insecurities and anxiety issues, mentions of past accidents, supportive boyfriends, taking care of each other, they're only casually in to volleyball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 09:18:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13714650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/errizabesu/pseuds/errizabesu
Summary: “To you who is chasing your dream, when you fall down, remember, as long as the protagonist stands again, the story will continue.”Oikawa considers himself invincible. He’s not.Iwaizumi thinks he’s unbreakable. He isn’t.In which Oikawa and Iwaizumi have their flaws, their issues, their struggles; but they also have each other. Or, the one where Oikawa never stopped believing in Iwaizumi, even when Iwaizumi didn’t believe in himself.





	The Sky is Full of Beautiful Blue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sasanqua (サザンカ)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/358692) by SEKAI NO OWARI. 



****Summer** **

It happened again.

Iwaizumi’s manuscript is rejected again.

He’s been working on a novel and turns out, the writing wasn’t the hard part. It’s the publishing. Even with some experience filling in columns and independent short stories for literature magazines, making through a publisher is its own level of difficulty. The first five rejections were normal, Iwaizumi was pumped to revise his works and send them out again. The next ten rejections started to tickle his patience. And after that, Oikawa chose not to keep count.

“It’s a stupid publishing house to begin with, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa tried to cheer him up. “They focus on non-fiction books, I’m sure that’s why they limit their fiction publishing.”

Oikawa reaches for Iwaizumi’s hand. He sat across him from the dining table, cups filled with piping hot chocolate stood in between them. Even in summer the nights are chilly.

“You’re right,” Iwaizumi finally breaks his silence. He grips Oikawa’s hands tighter for reassurance, “You’re absolutely right. Screw that publishing house.”

Iwaizumi left out the part where the editing manager threw unnecessary comments on his work, as if Iwaizumi didn’t pour his everything into that manuscript.

“I have to go to my part time tomorrow,” Iwaizumi announced.

“Eh? Really? I didn’t know you have a shift,” Oikawa protested.

“I switched with another co-worker,” Iwaizumi said as he runs his hands down his face. Exhausted, mentally if not physically. “In return, I get this weekend and the next one free.”

“Praise the heavens!” Oikawa throws his hands up in the air. “You wanna go out? Let’s go out! We can have a picnic--oohh! Let’s get Mattsun and Maki to tag along, it’s been ages! Wait, if they’re coming we should probably just go to a bar. Nah but it’ll be a waste to hang out indoors, then probably a picnic after all.”

Iwaizumi chuckles. A lively Oikawa is all he ever needs to brighten up.

“Sure, I’ll give Mattsun a call. But let’s keep the other weekend free, yeah?,” Iwaizumi says, taking Oikawa’s hand again. Iwaizumi kissed the knuckles of Oikawa’s fingers while maintaining eye contact. “It’s been a while.”

“It has,” Oikawa agrees. He fiddles Iwaizumi’s fingers with his. “I’ve been busy lately, you have to forgive me.”

Actually, they’re both equally busy. But while Oikawa, who’s recently appointed teacher adviser for the volleyball club in his school because the coach found out that he played his whole school life, is busy outside, Iwaizumi works mostly from their apartment. The only exception being the part time job he took to help with finances.

“I accept apologies in the form of sexual acts,” Iwaizumi said instead of admitting his own shortcomings.

The side smile that escaped Oikawa’s lips signaled that they have themselves a deal.

 

Their day usually start with Oikawa fixing breakfast and Iwaizumi in charge of coffee. Usually, being the key word. In times when Iwaizumi spend the whole night working on his manuscript or Oikawa grading papers at the last minute, they make amends. Today is one of those days. Even though Iwaizumi himself had less than two hours sleep last night, courtesy of sudden writing inspiration, he got up early to help prepare Oikawa’s morning. He’s used to working ungodly hours, however Oikawa has a schedule of a school boy--well, he is a junior high teacher. So whatever preparation discussion that held Oikawa back yesterday is no excuse for him coming late to today’s parent-teacher meeting. Iwaizumi juggled between preparing Oikawa’s bento box, reheating leftovers for breakfast and making coffee while Oikawa runs around the apartment trying to find a shirt that isn’t too wrinkly for him to wear. Fortunately the student reports he worked through last night were already in his bag, eliminating the stupid mistake of forgetting them at home.

“Have you seen my tie?”

“You’re holding a tie,” Iwaizumi says from the kitchen.

“Not this, the navy blue one. This doesn’t match the shirt.”

“You’re already late Oikawa, just use whatever you can find.”

“I can’t just use whatever I can find--I’ve had enough trouble with our self-proclaimed fashionista vice principal already.”

“That’s because you wear the school tracksuit too often even though you teach physics and not PE,” Iwaizumi places Oikawa’s lunch by his bag.

“Sue me for liking the school’s tracksuit, it reminds me of Seijoh’s!” Oikawa dashed from their bedroom to the dining table, chugged his coffee and forces a piece of toast down his throat.

Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa ties his (still the wrong color) tie while chewing his overstuffed mouth. After a few seconds he cautiously said, “Want me to drive you to school?”

For a moment there it is as if everything stood still. Oikawa for hearing the offer and Iwaizumi preparing himself for an answer.

“It’s fine, I’m not that late.” Oikawa stood from his chair and collects his bag. His steps are rushed as he walks back to the dining table to kiss Iwaizumi good bye, and Iwaizumi would have thought it was simply because Oikawa’s running late if he didn’t know better. “I’m off, see you later!”

Iwaizumi offers a small wave, but Oikawa is already too far to notice. Their apartment went immediately silent after Oikawa left, leaving only the sound of the clock ticking and Iwaizumi’s heavy exhale audible.

 

Iwaizumi was about to restock the half empty instant coffee aisle when he felt a pair of eyes gorging him from a distance. Before he could find out who or what, Iwaizumi was nearly knocked to the ground by a pair of clingy arms around his waist and a cheek pressed too close to his.

“I found a cutie I wanna keep!”

“Let me go Shittykawa, we’re in public.”

Oikawa refuses. “Why, you have a boyfriend or something?”

“A very easily jealous one, yes.”

“Well isn’t he a lucky bastard,” Oikawa says in full exaggeration. He lets go of his hold and Iwaizumi turns to face him. A cheeky smile stretched from ear to ear and it was so annoying Iwaizumi just has to kiss it away.

“So, what are you doing here, you lucky bastard?” Iwaizumi continues with his work. Oikawa grins at the remark. “I still have three hours until my shift’s over.”

Oikawa waves a handwritten list in the air, “Grocery shopping. I thought I’d say hello while I’m at it as well.”

Iwaizumi is flattered, but there is no way in hell he’s going to give Oikawa the satisfaction of letting him know.

“Ohh these look heavy, no wonder you’re still so muscly even after giving up volleyball.”

Iwaizumi gave a disapproved look in contrast to Oikawa’s childish grin.

“You should come by my school some time. The kids would definitely be happy getting tips from a wing spiker that once made it to sport magazines,” Oikawa skips around Iwaizumi as he continues his work.

“That was--” Iwaizumi heaves a box up and starts resupplying the aisle. “Back in high school. And besides, the article was about our school team which apparently focused a lot on their setter captain.”

“That’s because they need Oikawa-san’s good looks to boost sales,” Oikawa chirps. He finally stopped rotating around Iwaizumi like a planet. “So, what do you want for dinner?”

Iwaizumi gave it a moment thought. “What’s your favorite food again?”

Oikawa’s smile is immediately replaced with a pout. “Iwa-chan is mean with a capital M. How can you not know my favorite food?”

“I meant your favorite food aside from milk bread,” Iwaizumi made himself clear. “Because I’m definitely not having that for dinner.”

The way Oikawa squealed _Iwa-chaaaaan_ a tad bit too loud to be considered normal made Iwaizumi regret his decision and choice of words. But he never regrets loving Oikawa, absolutely not.

 

Inspirations are like moods. They come, they go, they swing. There’s no telling when it will hit or when it will slip out of your fingers. Iwaizumi understands this well enough. He’s known the playing field since his freelancing days. Oikawa knows it too. It used to irritate him, thinking that Iwa-chan is way more interested in making small notes in his phone than paying him his undivided attention. Things changed a bit, or rather, they’ve matured. Iwaizumi still needs to write down things, often, but he adjusts to his surroundings better. And Oikawa decides that nagging will not get him what he wants (and even rob Iwa of an opportunity), so instead, he takes the best out of the situation. He’d wait, patiently, until Iwaizumi finishes his notes as he admires the full concentration on Iwaizumi’s face as he chase his dreams.

“Ah, Iwa-chan! Perfect timing,” Oikawa chirps from the kitchen the moment he heard the front door open. “Dinner is almost ready--”

“One sec, I got this brilliant idea I need to write down,” Iwaizumi dashes for a welcome home kiss and hurries up to his study room. “Gotta make the draft before I forget.”

Still. That doesn’t make it any easier to go through.

“Oh--okay.” But Iwaizumi is already too far to hear him. Oikawa lets out a soft chuckle and follows Iwaizumi upstairs. He barely leans on the door threshold though, looking over an inspiration driven Iwaizumi. Oikawa thinks Iwaizumi looks best like that, when he’s taking opportunity by its collar and uses it to pursue his passion. “I’ll be waiting for you by the table, alright hon?”

Iwaizumi responds with a mindless _hmm_. He’s like that when he found inspiration, Oikawa doesn't take it personally, not anymore.

Oikawa waited for an hour by the dinner table and another hour in front of the TV before finally eating his dinner alone. After another hour passed, Oikawa knows that this is one of those longer inspiration times. Which is good, of course! Iwaizumi has been stuck in a dead end for a while now, he really needed this push. So Oikawa made hot chamomile tea and puts it in a thermos jug. He takes the milk bread he intentionally bought for breakfast out of the cupboard and places the bread and a thermos jug in front of the door of Iwaizumi’s study room, then he goes to bed.

 

The next morning Oikawa found Iwaizumi by the table instead of beside him in their bedroom. He is stirring coffee and looks like crap. Iwaizumi lets out a broken smile as he noticed Oikawa appearing, though it only emphasizes the proof of sleep derivation under his eyes.

“Good morning.”

“Is it still a _good_ morning if you didn’t get any sleep?” Oikawa asks, his voice surprisingly gentle as Iwaizumi had expected the worst. Iwaizumi found the milk bread and the chamomile tea around 2 AM and when he needed a toilet break he also found a portion of neglected dinner, wrapped in plastic foil, set by the table obviously by Oikawa in case Iwaizumi got hungry in ungodly hours.

Oikawa comes closer to the dining table, leans down to kiss the top of Iwaizumi's head and steals a sip of coffee from his cup.

“I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi apologized immediately. “I’m really, really sorry. I can’t believe I did that again. I promised you I wouldn’t do that again--”

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says in sing-song. He goes on to get his own dose of caffeine. “It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize.”

When Oikawa returns to the dining table, Iwaizumi captures him by his waist. Oikawa lightly chuckles as he runs his hand on Iwaizumi’s nape. Iwaizumi clings onto Oikawa like his life depends on it. The only time Iwaizumi spent without Oikawa is the five weeks before Oikawa was born, he couldn’t imagine a world without him in it.

“I still want to,” Iwaizumi mutters with his face pressed onto Oikawa’s stomach. Oikawa laughs and messes with Iwaizumi’s prickly hair. He lets the other hold him for a while longer and Oikawa decides to run his hand up and down Iwaizumi’s stiff back.

“Get some sleep,” Oikawa then says.

“Can’t. I have another shift in three hours,” Iwaizumi says, finally letting go of his hold on Oikawa.

Oikawa kneels down in front of Iwaizumi, now having their eyes in line. He takes both Iwaizumi’s hands and holds it tight as he says, “I think you should quit your part time job.”

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi sighed.

“You need to focus on your writing,” Oikawa said in earnest.

“But not this way,” Iwaizumi refuses. “We can’t afford this.”

“Of course we can,” Oikawa insists though his voice is still gentle as if he’s being considerate of Iwaizumi. “Just give me a few days to count our financial, but I’m pretty certain we can do it.”

“Don’t,” Iwaizumi says. “Please don’t. Tooru, how far are you willing to go?”

“As far as needed,” Oikawa says with determination. “I can’t write, I can’t edit narratives, but I want to support you regardless.”

Oikawa takes Iwaizumi by either side of his face and plants a kiss.

“I’m so in love with you,” Iwaizumi says with their faces still close, the bridge of their noses brushing in contact.

“Hi so in love with you, I’m Oikawa.”

“You see, this is exactly why I’m the writer and not you.”

 

****Autumn** **

Oikawa considers himself invincible.

He’s not.

Iwaizumi got less than 10 hours of sleep in the last three days. So when he heard the front door open, he thought he was mistaken. Sounds from their front door is usually followed by clattering noise from the kitchen or water running in the bathroom and filling in their tub. Iwaizumi heard none. It wasn’t followed by footsteps up the stairs or a gentle knock on his study room door either. But now that Iwaizumi thinks it through, the front door certainly was open, and Oikawa is the only person who has the front door key aside from himself. He’s in the middle of revising a chapter but the lack of noise bothered him too much that Iwaizumi decided to check.

“Oikawa, you home?” Iwaizumi groggily goes down the flight of stairs. “Tooru?”

Iwaizumi turn the lights on the moment he reached their living room. The sudden burst of light blinded him for a couple seconds. But as soon as he regained eyesight, the only thing visible is Oikawa curling on the sofa. He’s still in the clothes he wore to work even though it’s somewhat past midnight. Iwaizumi would have thought Oikawa had a little too much to drink, he did mention a farewell party for a retiring senior teacher, but the way Oikawa’s shoulders treble says otherwise.

“Tooru!” Iwaizumi dashed to his side. Oikawa groans at the noise but he offered a smile, albeit a heavy one, once Iwaizumi kneels by the sofa with worry written all over his face. “What happened? Are you hurt? Tell me!”

“So noisy, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa murmurs. He tried to grin but with the colors drained out of his face, he only looks pathetic. “It’s alright, I already took some aspirin.”

“It doesn’t look alright,” Iwaizumi protested. His one hand reaches for Oikawa’s while the other goes to feel his forehead. “It’s another episode, isn’t it?”

“You can’t call it an episode if it’s not an illness. Dear gods Iwa-chan, even I know the dictionary definition for it,” Oikawa says playfully. _Some things make me anxious, it’s not unusual_ , Oikawa would always insist. Though Iwaizumi believes, anxiety caused by past trauma can’t possibly fit the definition of usual.

“What happened, please tell me,” Iwaizumi said under his breath. He sits on the floor with his legs crossed. He leans a bit forward with his chin now resting at the cushion, eyes staring into Oikawa’s and his hands warm Oikawa’s cold ones.

Oikawa hesitated. But he knows there is no avoiding Iwaizumi, it’s useless.

“I missed the last train.”

Ah, such short sentence gives out a lot. Iwaizumi can already make a guess.

“A colleague offered to drive me home.”

Jackpot.

“He was really thoughtful and he’s kind of my senior so I couldn’t say no.”

“I get it,” Iwaizumi says just loud enough for both of them to hear. Oikawa’s school is only a fifteen minute drive by car, but for some reason Oikawa is this shaken. Could it be the influence of alcohol? No, Oikawa watches his intake, even at parties. “How is your vision? Is it blurry?”

Oikawa shakes his head. “My shoulders are incredibly stiff though.”

Iwaizumi nods and makes a mental note to call Oikawa’s therapist later. “And the headaches?”

“Same as usual. The aspirin should kick in any minute now. I’ll feel better after some sleep,” Oikawa assures.

“I’ll draw you a bath, alright?” Iwaizumi says.

“It’s already late Iwa-chan, leave it. I have first term classes tomorrow.”

“There is no way you’re going,” Iwaizumi says sternly. “I’ll call your school tomorrow first thing in the morning and tell them you’re not feeling well.”

“Iwaaaaa,” Oikawa whined.

“Tooruuu,” Iwaizumi mimics but in dead-pan. He then kissed Oikawa’s forehead and lightly ruffles his hair. “I’ll make you tea while we wait for tub to fill. Then you’re going to have a good soak and let me wash your hair, I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Oh my, Christmas came early this year,” Oikawa giggles, albeit tiredly. “For my students too, they’re supposed to have a pop quiz tomorrow.”

Iwaizumi didn’t immediately go. He stayed a couple minutes more and runs his hand along Oikawa’s light brown locks, hoping it will soothe him. Oikawa smiles at the gesture, tiredly. He slowly closes his eyes while tightening his grasp on Iwaizumi’s other hand.

“You don’t have to force yourself to get in a car, you know,” Iwaizumi told him carefully. He caressed Oikawa’s side as reassurance, for both of them, really, since Iwaizumi isn’t sure if Oikawa’s still jumpy around the topic. “Just go to a love hotel or something.”

“What, go to a love hotel without the lover? That’s preposterous,” Oikawa chuckles without opening his eyes. The answer brought a sense of relief.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I’m your idiot.”

Iwaizumi lands a final peck on Oikawa’s cheek before standing. He took a second to whisper into Oikawa’s ear, “Indeed you are.”

To be really honest, Iwaizumi likes it when Oikawa clings onto him. It’s a nice change in contrast to his borderline childish antiques--to think the said man is a junior high school teacher. Iwaizumi likes when Oikawa leans onto him, relies on him and be at the receiving end of the affectionate gestures. Although, Iwaizumi does wish that Oikawa would do so just for the sake of it, and not because the situation urges him to.

Iwaizumi went to bed early that night, and by early he meant at 2:30 AM, which is indeed early remembering he goes through sleepless nights more often than not. He prepared a warm bath for Oikawa and made some soup while he’s soaking. After it’s done Iwaizumi came in to wash his hair and despite Oikawa’s earlier protest, he whined when Iwaizumi told him to dry off. He accompanied Oikawa by the dining table as he eats his soup, and the sight of Oikawa calming down brought relief. Only by then Iwaizumi realized that things have been hard on Oikawa as well, though for some reason Oikawa decides to keep it to himself.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi said as he watched Oikawa blow into his spoon. “Lean on to me a bit more, alright?”

Oikawa’s brows shoot up, guess he wasn’t expecting to hear such thing.

“I mean it,” Iwaizumi moved closer and rests his head onto Oikawa’s shoulder. “I worry about you too, you know. The feeling’s mutual.”

Oikawa lets out a small chuckle and took a spoonful of corn soup into his mouth. “Who are you and what have you done to my Iwa-chan?”

 

****Winter** **

Iwaizumi thinks he’s unbreakable.

He isn’t.

In early December Iwaizumi’s revision is rejected again. It happened so many times now that Oikawa doesn’t have the heart to keep count. Iwaizumi’s been oddly silent since then. He carried on with his day to day activities. He still wakes up at random hours of the night and stare at his laptop screen for an amount of time that can’t possibly be healthy. He comes down to eat and occasionally take long hot baths with Oikawa. He started smoking again, but at least he didn’t touch too much alcohol. Oikawa’s there, the entire time. He’d greet him good morning and kiss him before leaving for school. Oikawa would prepare meals for Iwaizumi to microwave during the day and always wait for him to sit together for dinner at the end of the day. Oikawa tried to smile because he knows it’s hard for Iwaizumi to do so, but when Iwaizumi isn’t looking, he too harbors a pained expression because Iwaizumi’s suffering is his as well.

Iwaizumi’s being cooperative today. He sat silently by the table while Oikawa prepares their dinner. Oikawa talked a bit about school, about the upcoming prelims and helping out his students master jump serves. He talked about Maki and Mattsun, how their friends have been nagging to go hit the town again. He gave in his everything to subtly cheer Iwaizumi up, to make him certain that whatever is happening to the world, at least he will still remain the same as a safe place for Iwaizumi to return to. But one can hold on to so much after all.

“So, Iwa-chan. We’re having pork cutlet and salad today. I know, I know, the only kind of pork you like is the ones that come in ramen bowls. I agree, they taste best. But it was on sale and it was so worth the money,” Oikawa says lightly as he sets the dish on the table.

It struck a chord in Iwaizumi’s mind though. Oikawa might not realize, but his words gave the impression that they have financial problems on top of everything they already have to deal with--which isn’t entirely a lie. Iwaizumi gave up his freelancing and part-time job to focus on writing. Of course someone had to cover the financial load, and that someone was Oikawa. Iwaizumi can live with disappointing himself, but as for now, his failure is burdening Oikawa as well.

_Why do you care for me when I’m nothing but a burden._

“Let’s grab some ramen next week! Somebody’s getting their paycheck in a couple days,” Oikawa chirps as he pecks Iwaizumi’s cheek and heads back to the kitchen to get his own plate.

_How can you kiss me when you really should be despising me._

“Also, Iwa-chan--”

_Why would you bother to stay with me when I can give you nothing in return._

“Shut up!” Iwaizumi slams both hands on the dining table. “Shut up, shut the fuck up--SHUT UP! Why are you like this, you should be furious at me!”

Voicing the words that’s been haunting his mind felt different than merely thinking it through. It felt raw and surprisingly overwhelming. Iwaizumi couldn’t feel the sting of his palms, just the ache in his chest and the raging breath that he takes. It is as if his vision narrowed and his world crumbled. Iwaizumi lets out an angry scream and hits the table a couple more times before thrashing whatever is on it. The cup of water, the bowl of rice, the miso soup from yesterday’s dinner, the pork cutlet Oikawa prepared and the green salad with french dressing; all flew from the table with a distressed swing of Iwaizumi’s arm.

Oikawa watched in silence as Iwaizumi storms away. He slams the door to his study room, but it does little to nothing to suppress the sound of books thrashing, a chair falling and the window pane opened with a bang. Oikawa took a heavy breath. He clenched his chest, aching, and slowly sits on the floor to pick up the grains of rice and pork cutlet all over the floor. Oikawa will admit, Iwaizumi’s impulse hurt him, especially after the lengths he went through to come home early, prepare their meal and carefully allocate their monthly budget to get by. But Oikawa also knows, as per now, whatever frustration he felt compares little to the built up anger Iwaizumi’s been holding back. So when a tear drop escaped the side of Oikawa’s eye, it was for Iwaizumi instead of the spilled miso soup staining the wooden floor of their apartment.

 

They didn’t talk for the rest of the day.

Later that night, Oikawa climbs onto bed, taking his place beside Iwaizumi who’s curling to his side, his back facing Oikawa. He’s not asleep yet, Oikawa can tell. He turns the side lamp off and proceeds to tuck himself under the blanket. Oikawa moves closer to Iwaizumi, his hand goes to hug his waist while his face remains by Iwaizumi’s nape. Oikawa decides not to say a thing, he’s not the one good with words between them, and instead lets his actions convey his emotions. Iwaizumi responded. He slowly, insecurely, takes Oikawa’s hand and held on tight. After a while he grabs hold of Oikawa’s hug with both hands. Oikawa gently kissed his nape and the side of Iwaizumi’s face. That is until at some point, Iwaizumi’s cry became audible. God, he loves this man and listening to Iwaizumi’s breakdown wring his heart so. Oikawa responded by tightening his hug. He’d wipe away the tears, but Iwaizumi is holding both his hands like nothing else matters; like he’s drowning and Oikawa’s hold is the only thing that’s keeping him afloat.

“Hajime,” Oikawa whispered slowly and with uncertainty. “Hajime, dear, it’ll be a lie if I say I know how you feel. Truth is, I cannot imagine how much you’re hurting right now. But I want you to know that whatever you do, whatever happened, nothing can make me love you less.”

Oikawa gently kissed Iwaizumi’s nape before he continues, “To you who is chasing your dream, when you fall down, remember, as long as the protagonist stands again, the story will continue.”

Iwaizumi cried himself to sleep that night, in Oikawa’s hug and really, there’s no other place he’d rather be.

 

****Spring, the** ** ****next** ** ****year** **

Lately, Iwaizumi has these flashbacks whenever his gaze meets Oikawa’s. Sometimes it’s the trivial stuff, like random tidbits from their high school years or chunks of memories from their shared, intertwined childhood. Other times, it will be full-blown scenes from the past. Like a film on rewind. Such as now. Even though Oikawa is only one of the many pair of eyes looking in his direction, his is the only face Iwaizumi sees. He offered a smile from the distance, and just like that, Iwaizumi is taken aback by nostalgia.

Although Iwaizumi cannot remember how he fell in love with Oikawa, he does remember the point when he realized that he is--and has always been. Unfortunately, it took a car accident for him to reach that conclusion. Their second year of university is a time span Iwaizumi reluctantly wants to remember. Oikawa’s accident happened in late January, where thin layers of ice covers the road and thick fog limits eyesight. Oikawa went in and out of surgery and after that was the physical rehabilitation. That was when Iwaizumi realized this feeling he’s been harboring, it’s not platonic, but romantic. The later half of the year was a blur, to Iwaizumi at least. The times when he doesn’t have class he spent with Oikawa, because heavens know the physical injuries that come with an accident is nothing compared to the emotional damage it does. The aftermath of the accident never fully healed. Oikawa’s back bone is prone to future injuries, the disks on his neck lost elasticity and would often ache and go stiff, and Oikawa would get anxious whenever he steps into a car. Sometimes it’s mild, on less fortunate days, it could knock him off for a couple hours and come with pounding headaches and shivering with fear. But none of that can undo the feelings Iwaizumi holds for Oikawa. None of that can lessen the love he felt for his childhood friend.

They started officially dating a year later and moved in together after Oikawa graduated since he took a year off to recover. They got an apartment with an extra room for Iwaizumi to work in and although far from the school Oikawa is teaching at, it is near a station from which Oikawa doesn’t have to change trains in his commute. Oikawa’s students like him, especially the boys in his school’s volleyball club. Iwaizumi’s works got publicized every now and then. But Iwaizumi knows he cannot keep writing columns and independent articles forever, so he started working on real books for publishing. The more time he dedicates to his book, the less time he has for freelancing jobs. The first hurdle was a classic, finances. They went by with Oikawa’s teaching salary and Iwaizumi’s honorary income, but less freelancing jobs mean less money. Iwaizumi decided on a part time job instead of taking up freelance writing again. He said so he can get a change of atmosphere once in a while. It went on for a year or two, until Iwaizumi finally finished his book. Unfortunately, that was the easy part.

One publisher rejected his manuscript. Alright, revise and off to the next one. Still no luck. Shake it off, carry on. Revise. Send. Rejected. The cycle goes on and on and on until Iwaizumi lost his sense of worth along the way. Fortunately, Oikawa didn’t. Sometimes, most times, a small sign of affection is all it takes. A pair of hands is all what’s needed to stop falling apart. And for Iwaizumi, those gestures of affection and that pair of hands are Oikawa’s. The one person that ever mattered, the one who never gave up on him even when Iwaizumi himself felt like giving up.

After some time Oikawa finally stood next in line. Right behind him is Maki and Mattsun, because of course those two would tag along.

“Iwa-chaaaaaan!” Oikawa jumps happily once it’s his turn to get an autograph.

“Oh god,” Iwaizumi groans and covers his face. Of course, him loving Oikawa has nothing to do with being immune to his childish antiques.

“If I were his boyfriend, I’d be embarrassed too,” Mattsun says as he steps closer to the table separating them and Iwaizumi.

“Uncalled for!” Oikawa torts.

Hanamaki sighs as he steps in between Oikawa and Mattsun before they start a war. “Congratulations again, Iwa. I know Mattsun and I have been spamming our group chat but I still have to say it in person, you know?”

With that, both Oikawa and Mattsun turned their attentions back to the man of the event. A wide smile spread on their face in unison as they say their congratulations.

“Thanks for coming, you guys,” Iwaizumi says, slightly embarrassed at the attention he’s suddenly showered with.

“Of course we’d be here, silly,” Maki says with a laugh.

“Ah! We probably shouldn’t hold the line,” Mattsun immediately noticed the line growing behind him. “Alright now, books, hand me your books and let’s get them signed!”

Oikawa chuckles and hands Mattsun his copy, so did Maki.

“Well, Matsukawa, I know for a fact the only books you read are shonen manga. Why bother getting a literature novel?” Iwaizumi throws a judgemental stare while signing Mattsun’s copy.

“This is for me to auction when you become an international bestseller. See? First print edition with the author’s autograph, this would sell good in the internet.”

“You’re a horrible person,” Iwaizumi shakes his head and gives back the book. He proceeds with Maki’s copy and signed it as well.

While Iwaizumi is scribbling notes on the page, Mattsun stole a glance in Oikawa’s direction and caught the raw admiration in his eyes. He nudges Maki with his elbow and they share a small chuckle at the scene. Iwaizumi then hand the books back to Maki and Oikawa.

“So I’ll see you guys at the after party later?” Iwaizumi asks.

“You betcha,” Mattsun gives a peace sign. He takes both Oikawa and Maki by their shoulders and hoards them out of the line. Oikawa gives a small wave before completely leaving the book store.

From outside they could see the lively buzz that is a book signing event. Iwaizumi’s book signing event. And despite the hype from earlier, it all toned down once the cool spring breeze hits their face and the sight of cherry blossom buds dominate the tree branches along the pavement.

“Oh, I think Iwa wrote stuff on our books,” Mattsun remembers their souvenir. He opened his copy and immediately frowned, “That bastard wrote _not for sale_  on mine.”

“Serves you right,” Maki laughed and opened his own. _Let’s quit smoking--for real this time_ , it writes. “Whatcha get, Oikawa?”

With the lack of response from the otherwise very lively Oikawa, both Mattsun and Maki took a peek over his shoulder. They found Oikawa at the edge of holding his tears for one, and the other being Iwaizumi’s hand writing on Oikawa’s copy of the book.

_Will you marry me_ , it reads.

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- check out the [music video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=249YdrcCL0Y) this story is based on! The song and music video is heavenly gorgeous, I sure hope this story does it justice. The [lyrics](http://lyricstranslate.com/en/%E3%82%B5%E3%82%B6%E3%83%B3%E3%82%AB-sasanqua.html) are beautiful and very uplifting, I think we all need to hear these words every once in a while.
> 
> \- on a personal note, the song hit me close to home. Although I'm neither an artist nor a writer I am familiar the frustration of being held back down again, again and again. In fact, I'm still being held down. And after a while, one inevitably start to question their sense of worth. Sasanqua is a song for those who feel that way. "To you, who is chasing your dreams, remember, if you should break down, as long as the protagonist stands again, the story will continue." I know plenty of people, myself included, who really needed to hear those words.
> 
> \- the title is from another Sekai no Owari song called RPG. Did I mention I’m a huge Sekai no Owari fan? Their songs are p r e c i o u s
> 
> \- if you haven’t heard this today, allow me to tell you that whatever it is you’re working on right now, you can do it. I believe in you.


End file.
